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The ever present tension of bottom line results and culture

This does not become any easier especially since we live in a society that brings a focus on the short term - and the short term generally demands a focus on the bottom line. Stakeholders all too often want short term results and this usually means we ignore the impact on culture, and of course people.

We need to demand a focus on sustainability for the long term - from a people, brand and financial perspective. Too frequently we demand financial results at the complete expense of the people and brand - we need more creative thinking to find collaborative and holistic ways of managing this ever present tension.

Increasingly these stakeholders are customers/clients - are we prepared to allow them to dictate the way we treat our people and develop our brand? It is time to be courageous and stay true to culture and brand and have the courageous conversations with our customers.

Seth Godin – 7 Questions for (Courageous) Leaders

At Courageous Leaders we often ask leaders to ask themselves some challenging questions. Recently Seth Godin provided a list of 7 (actually 8 including the bonus) challenging questions, that encourage leaders to approach issues differently, be flexible and open, be collaborative and relinquish the need to be right. Read his post here.

These questions interestingly link to the key aspects of the Courageous Leaders Model:

Seth G - Do you let the facts get in the way of a good story?
Connect and Commit - A courageous leader knows that both the facts AND the feelings, our intuitive sense of how to respond and our ability to share our stories are all equally important. By being open to facts, intuition and stories leaders enable connection and commitment throughout the organisation.

Seth G - What do you do with people who disagree with you... do you call them names in order to shut them down?
Courage - Rather than reacting, a courageous leader doesn’t react by trying to put others down, instead they courageously address the issue at hand.

 Seth G - [Bonus: Are you willing to walk away from a project or customer or employee who has values that don't match yours?]
Conviction - Courageous leaders truly own their values and question the behaviour of leaders, employees, customers and suppliers when it does not fit their values. When a partner or sales director brings in large amounts of business and behaves in a bullying or harassing manner to to others, what measures do you take if this is inconsistent to your values?

Seth G - Is it okay if someone else gets the credit?
Confidence – A courageous leaders has an inner confidence and is keen to share credit and recognition. Courageous leaders truly own their values and question the behaviour of leaders, employees, customers and suppliers when it does not fit their values.

Seth G – Are you open to multiple points of view or do you demand compliance and uniformity?
Seth G - How often are you able to change your position?
Change – for any twenty-first century leader, change is simply part of every day life.  Courageous leaders relish the opportunity to take in new information and change their point of view and way ofdoing business.  Note - A courageous leader sees change as an opportunity to develop and hone their leadership skills

Seth G - Do you have a goal that can be reached in multiple ways?
Challenge – A courageous leader is open to being challenged by others and discovering new ways to address opportunities and solve problems.

Seth G - If someone else can get us there faster, are you willing to let them?
Empowering others – (an outcome with the CL model) A courageous leader is willing to let go, to move aside when someone else has more knowledge, experience or passion for a project, issue or opportunity. Being a facilitator for others to achieve their best is an integral part of courageous leadership.

At Courageous Leaders we link all these qualities to Leadership Mastery, a cornerstone of our Courageous Leaders programs and workshops.

By Mandy Holloway & Fiona Pearman

Just how challenging can we be?

I facilitated a session recently on engaging in challenging conversations constructively and it was inspiring to hear everyone walk away willing to adopt the mantle of courageous leader and actively unleash the courage to have more of these conversations.

We explored the importance of these conversations to innovation, collaboration, engagement and high performance. All made logical sense.

Then we explored what holds us back then if the benefits are so great.

Fear of consequences holds people back - they do not want to make themselves vulnerable - as vulnerability is still seen by many people as weak.

I felt myself feeling disillusioned because challenging is still not embraced constructively - when emerging leaders unleash their courage to initiate a challenging conversation they are still being met far too often with a response that comes from positional power! So their vulnerability is rewarded with power - more opposing tensions at play - the other is that of fear and courage. These emerging leaders fear for their continued employment in the business - what a way to feel when you are about to engage in a challenging conversation.

Becoming your Ideal Self

I coached a young man who was finding the process of identifying his character and personality preferences, and integrating this with the behaviours (capabilities) he was choosing each day at work far too abstract. In an effort to make it concrete I related it back to his love of snow- skiing. He had skied from a very young age and in our sessions had often talked passionately about his skiing experiences. I suggested to him that integrating his personality preferences and character with his behaviour (capability) was like skiing ‘top to bottom’ down a black run (the black run is the most challenging run most of us can ski down in Australia.)

When your confidence and conviction in self mastery is well developed you stand at the top of the run, pick your line, bend your knees, lean forward in your boots, point your tips downhill and ‘go for it’ with an energy that is totally exhilarating. As you speed down the run you make corrections along the way but your belief in yourself sees you keep going until you get to the bottom. You are ‘in the zone’ – everything is aligned and everything is working together to support your choice of line and speed. You knew your skill was there but you did not need to focus on it – it was more about believing in yourself and wanting to experience the ‘high’ of picking the right line down the mountain. You are totally exhilarated and energised when you reach the bottom.

If your confidence is not well developed and you did not have this kind of integration of personality, character and capability you would ‘work your way’ down the black run – no ‘top to bottom’ for you. Standing at the top of the run you question your capability to get down and you talk to yourself about the capability level you need to bring so you can make it down – especially what kind of turns you need to make. You are highly aware of the terrain and the risks facing you. So you stand at the top of this slope and cautiously traverse across the top until you can pick the next few metres that appear ‘safe’. You continue this approach for the entire slope picking your way cautiously down and taking plenty of stops along the way to choose your next ‘path’. For most of the way down the slope you have doubts, feel fearful and even completely lost and out of control. You would feel relieved and exhausted when you made it to the bottom.

This story helped him to see and feel in a very concrete way what it meant to integrate his personality preferences, his character and his capability. It also helped him to understand why he was feeling so exhausted and out of control in the workplace because he had not yet managed to integrate his personality, character and capability. 

 

If you enjoyed reading this story there are plenty more in Mandy’s book – check out the information and order form on our website.

Finding your Sweetspot

The work of Martin Seligman and his colleague Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi have helped us to create a frame for finding your sweetspot. We acknowledge most of you have invested a significant amount of time developing capability – mostly intellectual skills – and you do not know enough about your personality preferences and character. 

For those who work feeling stressed, guilty or resentful it can so often be because they are operating counter to their personality preferences and character. Such leaders are finding their sweetspot very infrequently because they are defining who they are by their capability.

 

 As leaders decide to spend more time developing greater self mastery they create higher awareness of the personality preferences and character they bring to the way they use their intellectual capability . For those who want even further awareness they also explore ways to develop their emotional capability. When they do this they discover an enlarged sweetspot.
 
The ultimate sweetspot is where your capability is an integral ‘part’ of who you are but it is not what defines you. Your personality preferences and your character define how you interact and behave and you do this in a way that allows you to be at your best at all times. Feelings of guilt, resentment, anxiety are pushed away as you are ‘in the zone’ with how you choose to live with confidence, conviction and courage.

Don't let 'stuff' get in the way of a very real conversation

Relationships get bogged down in stuff and the stuff becomes more important than the relationship. A recent experience with a member of our Courageous Leaders Community highlighted this perfectly. Once we reaffirmed with each other that our relationship was strong, that the contextual issues we were facing were important and needed to be resolved however they were never going to be bigger and more important than our relationship - it freed us to have a number of brilliantly honest conversations where we each owned our stuff and shared it without fear of judgement or reprisal.

People need to find ways to do this with greater regularity in the workplace. Instead they fear what will happen when they raise the stuff and share their thoughts and feelings - so they don't have the conversation and the tension remains unresolved. This is why the Australian business culture is fraught with avoidance........we would rather say nothing and hope it all goes away and then we don't need to talk about it or hear it from the other person.

Courageous Leaders make the relationships more important than the stuff and so can courageously talk about the stuff, resolve it and not let it get in the way of a strengthened relationship.

Inspiring Courageous Leaders Book - First copies published and distributed - now come feelings of vulnerability!

Well here is another BLOG on my experience of writing a book and publishing it. We have started to distribute our first 100 copies of the book with another 5,000 copies arriving at the end of May and the feelings of vulnerability are pretty intense:

* what if no one wants to buy the book
* will it help to create the business impetus we had envisaged
* how will people react to the stories and experiences I share
* how will people react to the personal transparency I create
* what if book stores decide they don't what the book on their shelves.

Interesting how overpowering these feelings can become and then how exhilarating they can become when you release yourself from judgement - your own and that of others! What an incredible experience this has been and will continue to be.

Look out for the next BLOG when the books arrive at the end of May.

Avoiding mediocrity with Courage

This short video from Jared Leto got me thinking about how easily we fall into the path of least resistance, forego our dreams and end up living the mediocre life we told ourselves we never would...

 

It takes COURAGE, as Jared says, to follow our dreams, to do what we feel most inspired and compelled to do because we fear that.

We fear failure, we fear embarrassment, in some cases we fear for our livelihood. But don’t we have to do what we believe in?
 Note: for those with sensitive ears, there is some cursing in this video

Courageous Leaders Value Trust

As we draw close to the International Day of Trust, I’m inspired to revisit and expand one of the essential aspects of being a Courageous Leader:

Courageous leaders are deeply aware of the value of trust – in themselves, in the processes they set up and in the people around them - working with them in a work team or living with them as members of a family. Trust is a foundation value of a Courageous Leader. Without trust, it is virtually impossible to be courageous.

Courage always involves an element of trust; firstly you need to trust in yourself - to do what you believe to be right and stay true to the kind of leader you really want to be. Even when there is pressure from other sources, it is in those challenging times that courage comes to the fore and when you demonstrate that you are trustworthy. This is true of you as a leader in all aspects of your life – as a parent, a sister, a supervisor, a wife, a manger, a daughter or a board member and all your other roles.

Trusting in the processes set up and agreed to is essential. This shows you believe in the other people to follow the process and produce the results. We are often tempted to second guess or question the way something is being done, and while constructive input can be valuable it is important to let others work with agreed processes and systems without feeling that they have someone ‘looking over their shoulder’. This can be very challenging and I have probably learnt the most about this concept by being the mother of a teenage daughter!

Finally there is the trust you have in other people – facilitating opportunities and experiences that enable them to develop and learn, to sometimes fail and learn from that too. Twenty-first century organisations cannot afford to have robotic employees; it is important to attract and retain creative problem solvers who are inspired to courageously take the organisation to the next level. If you want people to work with passion and to unleash their true potential they need to feel trusted to deliver, not forced to comply.

Some of us have a natural propensity to trust and others of us are more skeptical and critical. No matter our natural propensity - trust in others is the true expression of our foundation value as a Courageous Leader. Developing our ‘trust muscles’ leads to enhanced teamwork, empowered individuals, reduced blame and greater accountability. I encourage you all to trust more in your journey of becoming a Courageous Leader.

As one of the co-authors to Vanessa Hall’s book The Truth About Trust it is a real honour to be part of the growing Entente Trust Community and to celebrate the International Day of Trust.

- Mandy Holloway

Influencing Decisions

When facilitating a workshop where we explored how middle managers could start influencing more decisions, it was rewarding to watch how people recognized what they could start doing differently. 

It is far too easy to blame the senior leaders for not inviting us to influence a decision. Don't point the finger of blame, instead take responsibility and use "the five tactics" to influence a decision. 

It all starts by building trust with the decision makers - because remember their organisational reputation could be on the line with this decision so before they encourage anyone to influence their decision they would need to really trust the person. 

Courageous Leaders take responsibility for building a personal brand that earns them a seat at the decision making table!

Making Time to Replenish Your Energy Reserves

The more courageous you become the more essential it is to make time to replenish your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual energy. To be courageous uses enormous amounts of energy and as I have experienced over the last week it is critical to make the time to replenish and just be "present" with yourself - engage in a conversation with yourself to check out how you are going and what you are feeling. Yesterday I went for a 90 minute walk around the lake and just spent time with our beloved dog who does not require too much conversational attention and myself - soaking up the serenity and enjoying a fast pace!

 
You also need trusted life partners, friends and colleagues who are prepared to listen, to reflect back what they are seeing and hearing, to challenge what is happening and maybe help you see the situation differently.........and these kinds of conversations do much to replenish the energy banks. Take a few moments to reflect on what you do to regularly replenish your energy sources.

Learn to Lead

Over the last few weeks several incidents have occurred and caused me to reflect on the pain of learning. I believe this is why so many people do not truly embrace the desire to LEARN to lead. It requires conscious thought and effort each day and with this greater consciousness comes pain. So much easier to just keep doing what you've always done or tinker on the edges.

Learning to lead is so much more than participating in a program, completing some self awareness tools......it about wanting to LEARN. It is about truly being prepared to dive deep inside and check out your limiting mental models....and we all have them! Challenge your assumptions and check out your judgements - and that is tough stuff.

Using Your Power For Good, Not Evil

Facilitating a MasterClass the other day opened up an important thought - we can use each of our powers for evil - even our personal power. We have access to five sources of power - positional, expert, opportunity, referent and personal. We explored how you use each of these for good and for evil.

Personal power is your personal brand - where you come from a place of strength- aligning and igniting values, personality preferences and what you stand for with how you behave. Now sometimes we can go into overuse of our strengths to an extent that we judge others against our values. For example - my top five strengths taken from Martin Seligmans Character Strengths Survey are: gratitude; bravery; authenticity and honesty; zest,enthusiasm and energy; and capacity to love and be loved. Recently I went into overdrive as a client took action that I perceived went against each of my values - and I could feel myself going into overuse of each of these strengths. To have accessed my personal power too early would have been destructive - I would have used it for evil. Here is how that would have played out:

Gratitude: I have invested so much time in making their development program brilliant and they are taking me for granted - there is a lack of gratitude for what I have done

Bravery: they have not had the courage to come and talk to me about their decision

Honesty and authenticity: what about engaging in a real conversation and being honest with me

Zest, enthusiasm and energy: has been ripped out of me by their actions

Capacity to love and be loved: I do not feel like my care has been reciprocated.

This would have been me using my personal power for evil!!

Do yourself a favor and invest some thinking into how you access each of your sources of power - for good and for evil - and I would love to hear your stories.

Inspiring Courageous Leaders - The Book Edit Process

I feared the edit process and was not feeling great about having someone challenge the way I had written my book - and after all it was MY book! So I came to the process not truly a willing participant - in my heart. Yet I knew from my head - the logic - that it was vital. I did not want to hand over the chapters when I did - I really wanted to do one more edit myself and hand over something I felt was 'polished' and as perfect as I could get it. Our publisher said NO - it is time to let it go. So let it go I did - very reluctantly!

Working with my editor has been the most amazing experience - it has exceeded my expectations and allowed an exponential development of the book. It all began when she came along to a meeting of the entire team who would be responsible for getting this book published and into print. There were many of us sitting around the table and at the start I had to do quite a bit of talking to share my idea and share my history. 

 

As we went around the table introducing ourselves sometime later - the editor struck an immediate chord with me - when she said I was not at all what she had expected. She said my written word (as she had read the first 5 chapters of the book) did not match with me as a person in the flesh. My energy, my exuberance, my humour and my passion was missing in the written word. Instead I had produced a stuffy business speak book. 

 

She said her job was to help me find my voice in the book. I was shocked that my writing did not match with the real me - and I was grateful that I had a person who was going to help me do this - if I let her.

So began the challenging conversations. And we did this all through electronic media - so I learned firsthand that you do not always have to be face to face to have real conversations. In fact we got rather 'intense' electronically.

My editor helped me to see that I did not need to fill my book with quotes from very important people. I WAS good enough to write this book and share MY words and stop referring to the words of others. In fact we ditched a whole chapter that was me referring to other very important writers to show that I had the knowledge and was worthy of being read.
It was fascinating - she never said that to me - she just helped me discover it for myself!!!"

 

If you're interested learn more about the book, head to our website - www.courageousleaders.com.au and check it out.

Busy Lifestyle Syndrome

Reading the Sunday papers I loved reading Wendy Harmer's column called "The Future Looks Stupid" where she explores the new syndrome identified by researchers in Scotland - "Busy Lifestyle Syndrome". This syndrome is caused by our busy lifestyles where we are bombarded with information overload. I don't think we needed researchers in Scotland to confirm this for us.

However they went on to tell us something far more interesting - that our attention spans and concentration levels are going down and memory loss is getting common and affecting younger people. And as Wendy comments - we are more efficient but what use is that to us if we can't remember what we're being efficient at exactly?

So what do we take from this research - we need to create greater self discipline around cutting out the noise; finding ways to be present; creating energy recovery rituals and having the courage to stay true to be the kind of person and leader you really want to be.

It can feel like it is easier said than done - and is only possible if you are prepared to be conscious of all your choices! Turn off your mobile phone so it cannot distract you from being present with the people you are physically present with; stop looking at your emails so you are not bombarded with yet more and more information.

Would love to hear some of your stories - let's start a conversation.

Breaking through Gravity - Part 2

Experiences have shown me how easy it is to give up on breaking through gravity and just stick with our conditioning. I invest significant time and energy into relationships and still find myself deeply disappointed when hit by behaviour from the "old" way - driven by fear, avoidance and protection. You start to question - why you are investing so much time, effort and emotion - to be treated in ways that you don't expect?

Then you need to remind yourself you operate from a higher level of consciousness - and this means you notice more and feel more. And the especially important thing to remember is that you feel great when you operate from this space.

Breaking through Gravity

"A human being trying to catalyse the emergence of a higher level of consciousness is like a rocket ship trying to break through the gravity of the Earth's atmosphere. The gravity that we are endeavouring to release ourselves from is the historical weight of our conditioning, both personal and cultural. If we can generate enough vertical momentum to propel us beyond the boundaries of who we have been, we will find ourselves in uncharted territory." ~ Andrew Cohen.

Our conditioning has created our defence mechanisms and our fear and this is what we need to break through. This uncharted territory is incredibly frightening because we have stretched ourselves into a new place and our old ways won’t work anymore – we see things differently, we feel differently, we think differently and we start acting differently. The safer thing is not to bring this higher level of consciousness in the first place – and for many this is where they stay – almost not knowing what they don’t know. 

For others the mere sniff of it sends them running – I have just started working with a new client and we have participants who have refused to come along and even “taste” the program. They prefer to stick with their existing conditioning. For others they embrace the emergence of a higher level of consciousness and want to learn more about leading themselves and others – for them it's a bit like releasing a Genie – once it is let out of the bottle there is no going back.

Our programs inspire people to be courageous leaders and therefore participants are encouraged to catalyse this higher level of consciousness and it is truly amazing to watch and hear – and along the way comes clumsiness and awkwardness. Our conditioning does not leave us easily and continues to weigh us down as we try to change. 

For many this gets them down and they allow gravity to take its course and “weigh” them back down to where they were – their historical conditioning. For others they persist and the long term results are feelings of peace, happiness, even elation and total authenticity – well worth the struggle I say. 

I encourage everyone to release themselves from this gravity! Would love to engage in conversations with others who have experienced these kinds of changes.

ROI on Training & Development

ROI has been a big catch-cry for businesses large and small during the noughties and particularly post the GFC. What happens when you try to wrap the concept of ROI around Training and Development programs? At Courageous Leaders we’ve noticed a few articles and formulas emerging on this topic and in response our latest newsletter shares the thoughts, opinions and research of our Courageous Leaders facilitators to the debate. Subscribe for your copy of our newsletter.

These articles are to stimulate your thinking and we invite your feedback and comments – what’s your perspective?

Fear of Change

So many things inspire us here at Courageous Leaders, and this manifesto, Practically Radical, about leading change and making a difference is right up there.

Leaders, now more than ever, face ever-increasing tension as they strive to absorb information, lead effectively and meet the increasing expectations of all their stakeholders. It’s so easy to just take a traditional route – essentially doing things the same with a little bit of tweaking here and there to stamp their own impression on the process.

So in this era of high competition, to take a new way of viewing what we’re used to seems to be necessary in order to succeed. Apart from it being a difficult thing to do, why else don’t more organisations try to step outside the box?

Fear.

Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of losing control, fear of being blamed.

How does a leader harness their fear? How does a leader use it to strengthen their resolve and transform their organisation and their people to great things?

We believe it’s with courage, with trust and with empowerment – from the top level existing leaders, right down to the foundations of emerging leaders. Courage to make decisions around the changes that need to be made, trust that leaders and their teams will continue the journey of change that has been started and empowerment of people – trusting and honouring the intuition of colleagues and peers as they adapt to the changes that have been made.

What do you do to overcome fear of change?

The Control of Anger

While meeting with a newly promoted existing leader we got talking about the changes he wants to make within his leadership team and within the Organisation as a whole. He explained how he has "set the marker" for no more anger within his team.

He passionately explained to me that there is no reason to exhibit such an emotion at work and absolutely no place for using it when asking people to get work done.

This got me thinking - and I acknowledge people will always experience anger at sometime or another - what this existing leader is asking people to do is not to take this emotion "out" on other people.

Having the emotion of anger is not a bad thing – indeed it can be constructive and, in some cases, be indicative of passion. It is how one chooses to use that emotion for their own development and how they choose to control their own reactions by not taking it out on others.

This is courageous and would certainly make for an empowering and constructive work environment. I am looking forward to seeing his progress as he holds people accountable to this expectation.

The Changing Face of Leadership Models

After reading this article on Google’s innovative management structure, I started thinking about additional ways a bi-generational leadership team could help businesses to grow.

Underlying much of what we do at Courageous Leaders are such things as looking at the future sustainability of the business we’re working in, believing in and working towards behaviour change that contribute to that future sustainability and courage in leadership – all of those daily acts leaders are required to do that need a little bit of courage to approach, confront and overcome.

Future sustainability of the business for us means integrating the people and the organisation – having an alignment of goals and purpose within the company’s culture. A mixture of characteristics attributed to Generation X, Y and Baby Boomer leaders could help achieve just that;

-          the drive and dedication that characterise Baby Boomers coupled with the self-worth they derive from their work,

-          the balance of work and life that Generation X strive to achieve and their adaptability to change,

-          the global, technologically savvy outlook that Generation Y possess in addition to their propensity to enjoy being mentored by older generations.

It sounds like a dream combination!

The behaviour changes that would need to occur from an old-style vertical hierarchy would be huge – the entrenched systems, processes and ways of working that have been carried out for decades would need to be recalibrated.

Baby Boomer idealists who believe they can change the world and question the status quo should have no trouble changing processes that no longer make sense, Gen X we have already mentioned adapt well to change and Gen Y are seen as cooperative team players.

Although the general characteristics of these three generations appear to point to the logical - and seemingly smooth - conclusion that multiple generations at the helm do make a stronger company, there is a courage required to make it actually work.

Courage to share leadership where previously there has been none.

Courage to give and receive feedback where misinterpretation and indignation is likely.

Courage to embrace personal responsibility in ensuring the behaviour changes that have been identified as necessary to succeed are continued, despite the easier option of returning to the status quo lurking.

Do you think bi-generational leadership works? Why or why not?

Value and Loyalty

I read this article about employer loyalty back in November but it seems to me it has almost become more relevant now as people return to work after the festive season.

The article discusses the things that are valued by employees now – flexible working arrangements, trust, career development opportunities versus in the 80s – luxury cars, overseas trips and long, boozy lunches.

Although money still remains very important, career progression and flexibility run not far behind. At the heart of it, employees want to be trusted and valued Trusted that they know how to do their job and will do what it takes to do it well, and valued for the time, effort and passion they put into their role.

It’s a courageous leader who can step back and allow that trust - a courageous leader who has self awareness of their own strengths and weaknesses, and who leads through the use of tools such as; engaging in conversation to know their employees values and work ethic, giving (and receiving) feedback, building relationships, resolving conflict.

All of these tools make employees feel valued and leaders can then offer those intangibles such as flexibility, career development and healthy work relationships that incite loyalty. Courageous leaders know what makes their team members tick – so they trust them.

Now, after the festive break, is the time when people have had the opportunity and space to reflect on what changes they are going to make in their lives - especially in their career.

Loyalties will be tested and more people will take the courageous leap to find employers who are a better fit for them – unless something changes.

What do you do to inspire trust and loyalty in your work relationships?

- Leah

Giving Feedback Upwards

Giving feedback upwards to an existing leader is always incredibly challenging – not only in making sure you get your message across and that it is heard, but also the anxiety that accompanies the unknown of how the recipient will respond. For many emerging leaders, giving feedback upwards is a difficult, cumbersome and fearful experience.

When preparing to give feedback upwards, there is something to remember: it is that you REAP what you TOLERATE.

If you continue to put up with the experiences created, the behaviours (good or bad) exhibited and the demands that are being made then you are giving feedback already - that it is OK for you to be treated in this way.

Silence is tolerance and therefore acceptance.

Courageous leaders (and courageous emerging leaders) don't tolerate, they ENGAGE in the feedback conversation no matter the feeling of fear. They step out onto the ledge of learning (that narrow, unguarded, unsafe ledge!) and have the conversation.

Have you given feedback upwards? How did you go?

- Mandy

Owning the Feedback

My last post on giving and receiving feedback got me thinking about previous experiences. I have found that whilst facilitating workshops on giving feedback, participants claim their biggest takeaway is the importance of OWNING the feedback.

This tends to be exhibited by;

- using “I” statements

- sharing the personal impact of the other person's behaviour.

For example instead of saying, "you were so quiet in that meeting. You really need to talk more"

You would say, "I really wanted to hear your opinion during that meeting and the impact of your silence is that I feel like we missed out on your input. That frustrates and disappoints me."

What a difference is made when we own our feedback – in the example above the message is the same, but the delivery means the receiver of the feedback feels valued despite their recent lack of participation. They are being encouraged to have self-confidence by speaking up whilst also pointing out the impact of their behaviour.

Courageous leaders spend time preparing for the feedback conversation so that not only is it very clear that they own their feedback, but that the feedback is constructive.

- Mandy

The Gift of Feedback

Giving and receiving feedback are incredibly challenging conversations for anyone no matter how skilled and how emotionally conscious. It is a topic I have discussed in a previous blog about our natural response to then label those giving the feedback – particularly if it is not as positive as you’d like.

This was confirmed in a recent experience as I facilitated conversations about behaviour and performance in a group workshop activity. I found myself beginning to be labelled and almost blamed for the actions and responses of others. Fortunately it was the wise words of a participant that caught everyone's attention when he claimed, "we need to stop blaming Mandy and finding excuses for the way we behaved - all she did was hold up a mirror and we haven't liked what we saw!"

It was an insightful comment – and is the best way of visualizing such conversations. When giving feedback, remember people may not like what the mirror reflects so be patient, be kind and remain vigilante with your focus and your truth.

When receiving feedback, remember to see the mirror as a precious gift that presents fabulous opportunity if you let it. In most cases, the person giving the feedback is trying to help you grow, learn and improve. Pushing back on them and not heeding (or hearing) the truth of the conversation only impedes your progress as a courageous leader.

Courageous leaders know that giving and receiving feedback are the conversations you have to have if you want truly inspiring and trusted relationships - because we know we reap what we tolerate!

- Mandy.