Courageous leaders have relationships that challenge

Courageous leaders seek out relationships that challenge them to grow and develop - they do not have a high need for relationships that feed their ego. I loved reading about this principle in Carol Dweck's book called Mindset and I believe it is highly relevant for the Courageous Leader.

Working with participants in a workshop I noticed again how easy and quick it is for us to retreat to our defenses when challenged - we don't like to reflect on how things could be better or acknowledge (developmental) feedback from external sources. It is confronting so then our natural response is to label the people facilitating the challenging thoughts as negative, disloyal and other such descriptors that I explored in an earlier blog on challenging behaviour.

I found myself in such a situation just recently - and it is ever so hard not to jump into justify your behaviour when someone labels you - for me, I was labelled "negative" - and for those that know me well would know that kind of label really hurts and is not representative of the kind of person I am and the kind of brand I want to build. I found myself passionately wanting to prove to the person that I was not being negative that I was trying to challenge the reality of what was being created for this business. And I certainly experienced first hand how hard it is to engage in such conversations - because you feel under attack personally ........... and yet at the same time it is just the kind of relationship I say I seek - one to challenge me to grow!

If I pick up the challenge then I start to think that if I am creating the perception then what can I do differently to turn it around - how can I engage in the conversation differently? Or do I need to stop taking responsibility for how people are choosing to receive my ideas - others in the room found me inspiring? These thoughts rage through your head as you are trying to choose your behaviours in an instant - what should I say next, how should I respond, how will I manage my raging emotions constructively...........

Courageous Leaders look for opportunities to grow and develop as a result of the relationships they build - what can I learn from the impact I created for people from the language I chose to use and would I do anything differently if I were put into the same situation again?

If you see and hear people moving into their "defenses" what do you do - try to engage them differently, acknowledge that is where they are at and that is not where you are going to travel with them?

Wouldn't it be great to have a "manual" with all the answers - life is full of experiences that bolster growth if you allow it and that is the very essence of the Courageous leader. Know you did the best you could in the instant when you needed to make your choices and then reflect on what you can do differently when put into a similar situation in the future.

I think that next time I am going to ensure the person takes more responsibility for their reactions - I present a situation and it is their choice to respond defensively - and that is OK!

I would love to hear back from some of my followers about their experiences with such growth in relationships.