Giving Feedback Upwards

Giving feedback upwards to an existing leader is always incredibly challenging – not only in making sure you get your message across and that it is heard, but also the anxiety that accompanies the unknown of how the recipient will respond. For many emerging leaders, giving feedback upwards is a difficult, cumbersome and fearful experience.

When preparing to give feedback upwards, there is something to remember: it is that you REAP what you TOLERATE.

If you continue to put up with the experiences created, the behaviours (good or bad) exhibited and the demands that are being made then you are giving feedback already - that it is OK for you to be treated in this way.

Silence is tolerance and therefore acceptance.

Courageous leaders (and courageous emerging leaders) don't tolerate, they ENGAGE in the feedback conversation no matter the feeling of fear. They step out onto the ledge of learning (that narrow, unguarded, unsafe ledge!) and have the conversation.

Have you given feedback upwards? How did you go?

- Mandy

Owning the Feedback

My last post on giving and receiving feedback got me thinking about previous experiences. I have found that whilst facilitating workshops on giving feedback, participants claim their biggest takeaway is the importance of OWNING the feedback.

This tends to be exhibited by;

- using “I” statements

- sharing the personal impact of the other person's behaviour.

For example instead of saying, "you were so quiet in that meeting. You really need to talk more"

You would say, "I really wanted to hear your opinion during that meeting and the impact of your silence is that I feel like we missed out on your input. That frustrates and disappoints me."

What a difference is made when we own our feedback – in the example above the message is the same, but the delivery means the receiver of the feedback feels valued despite their recent lack of participation. They are being encouraged to have self-confidence by speaking up whilst also pointing out the impact of their behaviour.

Courageous leaders spend time preparing for the feedback conversation so that not only is it very clear that they own their feedback, but that the feedback is constructive.

- Mandy

The Gift of Feedback

Giving and receiving feedback are incredibly challenging conversations for anyone no matter how skilled and how emotionally conscious. It is a topic I have discussed in a previous blog about our natural response to then label those giving the feedback – particularly if it is not as positive as you’d like.

This was confirmed in a recent experience as I facilitated conversations about behaviour and performance in a group workshop activity. I found myself beginning to be labelled and almost blamed for the actions and responses of others. Fortunately it was the wise words of a participant that caught everyone's attention when he claimed, "we need to stop blaming Mandy and finding excuses for the way we behaved - all she did was hold up a mirror and we haven't liked what we saw!"

It was an insightful comment – and is the best way of visualizing such conversations. When giving feedback, remember people may not like what the mirror reflects so be patient, be kind and remain vigilante with your focus and your truth.

When receiving feedback, remember to see the mirror as a precious gift that presents fabulous opportunity if you let it. In most cases, the person giving the feedback is trying to help you grow, learn and improve. Pushing back on them and not heeding (or hearing) the truth of the conversation only impedes your progress as a courageous leader.

Courageous leaders know that giving and receiving feedback are the conversations you have to have if you want truly inspiring and trusted relationships - because we know we reap what we tolerate!

- Mandy.